The Scorpion King 2: Rise of a Warrior

Man, oh man...

Well, I was treated by a friend in the industry today to a sneak preview of The Scorpion King 2: Rise of a Warrior, which features the long-awaited and somewhat-hyped debut of Randy Couture in a sizable role in a feature film. Yes, we saw him as MMA-cred window dressing in Redbelt and so on, but this new career path is how he has been filling his time since beating down Gabe Gonzaga and certainly seems to play into his plans for life after fighting.

And so as a fight fan, as a film fan, as a fan of the Natural, I really went into this hoping to find the movie at least watchable or palatable...

I really did...

And I couldn't...

Man, this movie was just straight up bad. It actually made me long for the quality acting, scripting and cinematography of the first Scorpion King. And believe me, I wasn't blown away by that movie. It made me long for the acting and scripting of The Mummy, which I also wasn't even that crazy about. The Mummy made me wish I was watching Raiders of the Lost Ark.

Now, the bad news is that the acting in this movie is just plain terrible. And unfortunately, that includes Randy Couture. Now, Randy is the kind of guy that if he puts his mind to it, he will excel. And I would not count him out of the acting game permanently based on this performance, should he dedicate himself to this craft the way he dedicated himself to his mastery of MMA. But the fact of the matter is, he's just not ready yet. He is at the stage of the game where he should be doing the acting equivalent of fighting weak opposition in Cage Rage. He just needs to train and practice.

Every once in a blue moon, a guy like The Rock or arguably Carl Weathers can make the jump from sports and skip his way along the acting learning curve quite quickly to a level of competence. But a quick transition from sports to quality acting is the exception to the rule and for every Rock, there are a dozen Shaqs, Howie Longs, Brian Bosworths...

Here is the good news for Randy Couture. Every actor sucked in this movie. They all did. The acting was shiznit across the board and that puts a lot of the blame squarely on the director's shoulders. Randy may not be a trained actor but undoubtedly the majority of the remaining cast are. If not, then let's string up the casting director. Randy deserves the most praise of anyone in this debacle simply because he is a beginner. If an aspiring fighter walks into the Lion's Den to learn how to fight, he's going to damn well do what Ken Shamrock tells him to do. And the same probably goes for Randy Couture walking onto a professional high-budget movie set. What else he is going to do but follow the direction available and give it what he's got with minimal training?

Anyway, it goes without saying that emotional truth is lacking on everyone's part. The story is weak. The cinematography is passable for a straight-to-DVD piece but is a notable drop from the last Scorpion King flick.

All in all, this movie is a turd and is notable only for the Couture factor. And that novelty wears off about 5 seconds in. Still, stick it out if you like. I'll wait for Randy's next round when he has a bit of seasoning.